Happiness

If there's one thing I've learned (slash been learning continually) lately it is that happiness is both personal and fleeting. You determine your own happiness. Of course other factors go into it, but at the end of the day, you make the choice about whether the glass is half-full or half-empty. People will bring you down, things will go wrong, but happiness is always achievable in every circumstance. Happiness is a mood, that's what I mean when I say it's fleeting. Moods are temporary, they change like the weather. It's not likely that a person will be 'happy' at all times, rather it is more important to be satisfied in every circumstance. It is important to understand that the bad times...they don't last forever, but the good times don't either. Know that every experience grows you in ways you couldn't ever imagine. Know that God's plan and purpose is so much bigger than your own. Know that everything truly does happen for a reason, and one day, it will all come together more beautifully than we could've ever planned. That's what I hold fast to, that's what gives me happiness, and hope, on my bad days.

“I feel like people get lost when they think of happiness as a destination. We’re always thinking that someday we’ll be happy, that we’ll get that car, or that job, or that person in our life that will fix everything. But happiness is a mood, and it’s a condition, it’s not a destination. It’s like being tired or hungry, it’s not permanent…it comes and goes, and that’s okay. I feel like if people thought of it that way, they’d find happiness a lot more often.” One Tree Hill

Life Lesson #325

"That's what I'm afraid of. Not being enough. Not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough." - Brooke, One Tree Hill

Isn't that a girl's constant worry? I know for me, I struggle with the fear of inadequacy on a daily basis. I want people to like me. I want guys to notice me, to think I'm good enough. I want good grades. I want to not look at other girls and instantly compare myself to them. Basically, I want my life to be perfect and easy. But life isn't supposed to be easy, and I'm learning that as the years go by, it does in fact get harder. Guys, and girls, get more judgmental it seems. It gets easier to compare yourself to others. School gets harder. Relationships change and intensify. It's a struggle. Failure is sometimes okay. That's what I have to remind myself...breathe, relax, and remember that I am not perfect and sometimes I must fail in order to grow.

The thing is, God made each of our lives perfect in their own way. He crafted our ups and downs specifically with us in mind. He knows exactly what we can handle. I sometimes tend to forget that when I'm lying awake wondering how I got here and how I will wake up tomorrow and handle my to-do list....but it's so true. God is a perfect, beautiful being, and He sent a perfect, beautiful Savior to rescue us from dealing with more than we can bear. I've been reading the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," simply because I really want to learn how to be content in my relationship with my Savior, and I read a quote today that really struck me. It reads..."Everyone around us may be doing it. But at the end of our lives, we won't answer to everyone. We will answer to God." I literally had to put the book down and think about that. Every SINGLE day I wake up and worry about what I'm going to wear, what I'm going to say to certain people, what I'm going to put on facebook, and this and that etc. None of that matters. The only thing that matters is living our lives in order to become like our Savior. He will judge us at the end of our lives...not guys, not girls, not our parents or our siblings or our grandparents, or even our very best friends. It's important to form relationships, but it's also important to never ever let those relationships hinder your growth in your relationship with Christ. This is just something I've really been grappling with recently. I think it's quite possibly one of the hardest things to realize, but it's so so crucial to our walk.

I think the hardest thing about being a girl is facing the mirror everyday. Some days, I literally can't even look in the mirror because I've seen what I qualify as a beautiful girl or I've read or heard something that has made me not feel good enough or pretty enough to just be me that day. What I have to remember is that God made ME perfect and He thinks I'm beautiful, even when I don't think so, or when others put me down. In fact, Psalm 45:11 reminds me that the King is enthralled by MY beauty. He made me just the way I am, and even on my worst days, He loves me the same and is enthralled by me. By definition, the word enthralled means to hold spellbound, or to captivate. That means that we hold the God of the universe, the One who created the universe, spellbound. Try telling yourself that next time you look in the mirror...I bet it'll help you out a little.

If you're like me, these things will be a constant struggle. However, we have a God who hears us, and loves to listen. So talk, and cast your burdens on Him, because He is the only one who has the ability to make you feel good enough and who will never, ever, ever let you down.

Summer is ending!

In my typical fashion, I will type this post in a list. I just love lists. Okay but anyway, I have learned a lot this summer, it's definitely been one of growth and change, but I'm so ready to get back to life at college.

1. Bad habits are hard to break. A person can say all they want that things aren't how they used to be, but that's generally not the case.

2. Prayer is EVERYTHING.

3. Jesus will always bring you back to him.

4. Heartbreak is a necessary part of life. Dealing with it teaches you a lot about yourself and a lot about life.

5. Life can change in an instant.

6. I adore my family. I already knew that, but after spending a year (off and on) away from them and coming home for three and a half months, I realized how beautiful and incredible each member is.

7. Attempting to fix people is just that, an attempt. Leave it up to Jesus. See number two.

8. My grandma is beautiful and by far my biggest hero.

9. Read a book. It's a healthy escape. Give up facebook for forty-five minutes and enter a different world.

10. I need to fall in love with Jesus before I can fall in love with anyone else. See number four.

11. I love my brother more than I'll ever be able to tell him.

12. I hate packing, I hate leaving, but I can't wait to go.

13. I have the best friends, and I thank God for them whenever I realize that.

14. Trusting God will bring you happiness and success. Thank you Mandy for that lesson. :)

15. I have a decision making complex.

16. The world is big, and there's a lot I don't know and haven't seen. I want to change that.

...I'm sure there's tons more but that's it for now. Enjoy that random mix. :)

It's been awhile...

The topic of the day is something that's been on my mind for awhile. Why do such terrible things happen to such good people? I'm sitting in my beautiful home, with my amazing family, just got back from the most relaxing vacation, and I'm still ungrateful. There are people suffering all over the world; with sickness, grief, anger. There are people unable to pay their bills, people waking up everyday worried about how they will put food on the table. And I'm sitting in my house worried about what I'm going to wear today and what I'm going to do tonight. I suppose ignorance is normal, I mean, if you don't know the other side of the picture, how are you supposed to empathize? Still, I wish I could understand and I wish there was something I could do. The famous quote is "Be the change you wish to see in the world." But we all live in our little bubbles our whole lives, thinking someone else will "be the change." I don't want to do that my entire life. I want to make an impact. I'd like to think that by teaching, I'm going to make a difference. But still, what's enough? People are still hurting all over the world while others sit back and watch. What can we do about it? Obviously, we can pray. We can get involved. We can show them Jesus' love in every way possible. Maybe, one day I'll understand exactly how to be the change and do all these things. I guess that's another huge part of growing up.

A Flower Quickly Fading

So I'm sitting at my computer, waiting for my professor to email be back, and I figured I should stop stalking people on facebook and do something...ergo this post. I'm sitting here, listening to Eminem (if you don't already know this about me, rap music is kind of my guilty pleasure during bad times...something about it just makes me feel better) and I'm contemplating life. The other day, I was sitting at the beach writing my name in the sand, and the waves came and washed it away. I know that's just something that happens, but it got me thinking; that's how our lives are. We appear for a brief moment in eternity and we're gone. Amazing, isn't it? We feel as though our minutes, hours, days, months last forever, but before we know it, they're gone. I just went to the SBS Class of 2010 graduation and first of all, I can't believe they're graduating, I feel like just yesterday we were all running around making fun of each other, but most of all, I feel like I was just on that stage graduating myself. I spent most of this year at school counting down days til the weekend, or til the next time I was coming home, or til the next break. But before I knew it, I was packing up my car and driving home, a sophomore in college. The fact that I made it through freshman year in one piece is amazing in itself, but that is beside the point.

Where in the world does time go?

To quote Kenny Chesney (I know, so philosophical), "man I don't know where the time goes, but it sure goes fast." That is so so true. I can't believe I'm already halfway through June of my summer, and I'm about to be in my second year of college. I'm definitely looking forward to the future, but I know these are the best days of my life and I'm probably not soaking them up as much as I should be. This leads me to the point of this post...

Are we making our lives count?

I know everyone looks forward to marriage, and children, and the future, but every moment of life is important. God specially designed us to live for Him ALWAYS, not in the future. Are we avoiding things today because we're putting them off, saying we will get to them in a few years? I know I'm definitely guilty of that. Like I said earlier, it seems like the days go by so slow, but before you know it, it is the future, and you're still not doing anything. Make your life count. Don't wait for "The One" or wait to have children to make an impression on the world. Do it now. You don't want to reach the end of your life and realize you never did anything you wanted. Make a list of things you want to do, even trivial things (like skydiving...I so want to go skydiving), and start checking things off. I have always lived by the motto "No Regrets" and I want that to remain true for the rest of my life. I'm hoping I can actually take my own advice on this one because I want to live my life to the fullest, I want to be the person God created me to be, I don't want to wait to start living my life. Society has trained us to waste time...facebook, myspace, texting, TV (don't get me wrong I do it too, did you read the opener of this post?) and I think we believe that eventually something will happen to make us snap back to reality, but that's not necessarily true.

Who knows, maybe it's the cold medicine talking, but still... :)

“The time for action is now. The day for becoming the person God has called you to be is today. This is your moment. This is your hour. You’re the hero of your epic adventure, and all the characters in your story are watching. God is ready to charge with you against the forces of the villain and he’s patiently waiting for your signal. But he won’t force you. You see, one of the great mysteries of heaven is how God allows us to make our own decisions about when and to what degree we allow Him to take the reins of our life. God has the armies of heaven assembled to back you up as your charge the hill of your greatest vision…but you have to be the one to give the war cry.” – John Bolin

♥

They called them crazy when they started out,
Said seventeen's too young to know what love's about.
They've been together fifty-eight years now...that’s crazy.

He brought home sixty-seven bucks a week,
He bought a little 2 bedroom house on Maple Street,
Where she blessed him with six more mouths to feed...yea that’s crazy.

Just ask him how he did it; he'll say

"Pull up a seat. It'll only take a minute, to tell you everything.
Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I love you,
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense,
Never let your prayin' knees get lazy, and love like crazy."

They called him crazy when he quit his job,

Said them home computers, boy they'll never take off.
He sold his one man shop to Microsoft, & they paid like crazy.

Just ask him how he made it, he'll tell you faith and sweat,
And the heart of a faithful woman,
Who never let him forget...

Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I love you,
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense,
Never let your prayin' knees get lazy, and love like crazy.

Always treat your woman like a lady,
Never get to old to call her baby,
Never let your prayin' knees get lazy,
And love like crazy.

They called him crazy when they started out,
They've been together fifty-eight years now,
Aint that crazy?

Love Like Crazy

Okay, so when I said I would update this regularly, I was clearly kidding. Oh well, I guess some things just won't change. There are a few things that I've been wanting to vent about for quite some time. I felt like tonight was the perfect night to address these incredibly important things, seeing as I have a final tomorrow that I still have to do 50 pages of reading for. But like my mom says, sometimes you've gotta live a little. All nighter, here I come...

So first of all, I've been getting the question "What do you look for in a guy?" so frequently lately, I figured I should sit down and think about it. And world history wasn't working out for me tonight, so I've been making a little list in my mind. The most important thing, of course, is that he's a solid person and a solid Christian, not the kind that just goes to church on Sunday and calls it a week, the kind that will encourage me, teach me, and lead me. He needs to have an adoring and solid relationship with Jesus Christ before he's ready to be with me. At least that's my opinion. Second, he needs to be a guy that will come to all my family events with me and enjoy it. My family is the most important thing in my life, besides the obvious, and it's so crucial to have somebody that can fit in. I'm talking Caleigh's dance recitals, Sunday Night Pizza, the millions of birthday parties, the holiday festivities, the list could go on and on. He needs to be someone my grandma can adore just as much as me, sorry if that's lame, but that's just how it goes. Third, I need to fit into his life. I want to feel like I belong and I don't want things hidden from me. I've dealt with that enough already. Fourth, I want somebody that will be okay sitting at home sometimes and just watching a movie. I'll even let it be some awful guy movie. The simple things are the most important things. I'm tired of counting, so I'll just continue...I want somebody that won't judge me when I eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's in less than 15 minutes. I want somebody that notices little things. I want someone that I'm attracted to, in more than one way. I want someone who will never get tired of me. Okay, sorry this list is long and I probably sound really annoying and girly and selfish, but people keep asking so I figured I'd give everyone an answer.

The second of all has strange relation to the first of all. People continually ask me, "Oh my gosh, like how are you still single?" Okay seriously, how am I supposed to answer that question? Not only is it kind of rude, but it's just so awkward. Even if the person is trying to be nice, it's just not the best idea. I'm single because that's how it's supposed to be right now. I'm single because I'm too picky. I'm single because God hasn't shown me the right person yet. I'm single because I don't know myself well enough to know somebody else. I'm single because I'm looking for 2 years, not 2 weeks. I'm single because I won't give it up. I'm single because I'm not the perfect 10. Is that what people really want to hear? That would probably make things even more awkward. But anyway, I'll just deal with the question until I meet someone. Then I'll deal with all the pesky questions that come with a relationship. Can't ever win. :)

That's the end of my random, annoying, scatterbrained rant. :)