Happiness

If there's one thing I've learned (slash been learning continually) lately it is that happiness is both personal and fleeting. You determine your own happiness. Of course other factors go into it, but at the end of the day, you make the choice about whether the glass is half-full or half-empty. People will bring you down, things will go wrong, but happiness is always achievable in every circumstance. Happiness is a mood, that's what I mean when I say it's fleeting. Moods are temporary, they change like the weather. It's not likely that a person will be 'happy' at all times, rather it is more important to be satisfied in every circumstance. It is important to understand that the bad times...they don't last forever, but the good times don't either. Know that every experience grows you in ways you couldn't ever imagine. Know that God's plan and purpose is so much bigger than your own. Know that everything truly does happen for a reason, and one day, it will all come together more beautifully than we could've ever planned. That's what I hold fast to, that's what gives me happiness, and hope, on my bad days.

“I feel like people get lost when they think of happiness as a destination. We’re always thinking that someday we’ll be happy, that we’ll get that car, or that job, or that person in our life that will fix everything. But happiness is a mood, and it’s a condition, it’s not a destination. It’s like being tired or hungry, it’s not permanent…it comes and goes, and that’s okay. I feel like if people thought of it that way, they’d find happiness a lot more often.” One Tree Hill

Life Lesson #325

"That's what I'm afraid of. Not being enough. Not good enough, not smart enough, not pretty enough." - Brooke, One Tree Hill

Isn't that a girl's constant worry? I know for me, I struggle with the fear of inadequacy on a daily basis. I want people to like me. I want guys to notice me, to think I'm good enough. I want good grades. I want to not look at other girls and instantly compare myself to them. Basically, I want my life to be perfect and easy. But life isn't supposed to be easy, and I'm learning that as the years go by, it does in fact get harder. Guys, and girls, get more judgmental it seems. It gets easier to compare yourself to others. School gets harder. Relationships change and intensify. It's a struggle. Failure is sometimes okay. That's what I have to remind myself...breathe, relax, and remember that I am not perfect and sometimes I must fail in order to grow.

The thing is, God made each of our lives perfect in their own way. He crafted our ups and downs specifically with us in mind. He knows exactly what we can handle. I sometimes tend to forget that when I'm lying awake wondering how I got here and how I will wake up tomorrow and handle my to-do list....but it's so true. God is a perfect, beautiful being, and He sent a perfect, beautiful Savior to rescue us from dealing with more than we can bear. I've been reading the book "I Kissed Dating Goodbye," simply because I really want to learn how to be content in my relationship with my Savior, and I read a quote today that really struck me. It reads..."Everyone around us may be doing it. But at the end of our lives, we won't answer to everyone. We will answer to God." I literally had to put the book down and think about that. Every SINGLE day I wake up and worry about what I'm going to wear, what I'm going to say to certain people, what I'm going to put on facebook, and this and that etc. None of that matters. The only thing that matters is living our lives in order to become like our Savior. He will judge us at the end of our lives...not guys, not girls, not our parents or our siblings or our grandparents, or even our very best friends. It's important to form relationships, but it's also important to never ever let those relationships hinder your growth in your relationship with Christ. This is just something I've really been grappling with recently. I think it's quite possibly one of the hardest things to realize, but it's so so crucial to our walk.

I think the hardest thing about being a girl is facing the mirror everyday. Some days, I literally can't even look in the mirror because I've seen what I qualify as a beautiful girl or I've read or heard something that has made me not feel good enough or pretty enough to just be me that day. What I have to remember is that God made ME perfect and He thinks I'm beautiful, even when I don't think so, or when others put me down. In fact, Psalm 45:11 reminds me that the King is enthralled by MY beauty. He made me just the way I am, and even on my worst days, He loves me the same and is enthralled by me. By definition, the word enthralled means to hold spellbound, or to captivate. That means that we hold the God of the universe, the One who created the universe, spellbound. Try telling yourself that next time you look in the mirror...I bet it'll help you out a little.

If you're like me, these things will be a constant struggle. However, we have a God who hears us, and loves to listen. So talk, and cast your burdens on Him, because He is the only one who has the ability to make you feel good enough and who will never, ever, ever let you down.

Summer is ending!

In my typical fashion, I will type this post in a list. I just love lists. Okay but anyway, I have learned a lot this summer, it's definitely been one of growth and change, but I'm so ready to get back to life at college.

1. Bad habits are hard to break. A person can say all they want that things aren't how they used to be, but that's generally not the case.

2. Prayer is EVERYTHING.

3. Jesus will always bring you back to him.

4. Heartbreak is a necessary part of life. Dealing with it teaches you a lot about yourself and a lot about life.

5. Life can change in an instant.

6. I adore my family. I already knew that, but after spending a year (off and on) away from them and coming home for three and a half months, I realized how beautiful and incredible each member is.

7. Attempting to fix people is just that, an attempt. Leave it up to Jesus. See number two.

8. My grandma is beautiful and by far my biggest hero.

9. Read a book. It's a healthy escape. Give up facebook for forty-five minutes and enter a different world.

10. I need to fall in love with Jesus before I can fall in love with anyone else. See number four.

11. I love my brother more than I'll ever be able to tell him.

12. I hate packing, I hate leaving, but I can't wait to go.

13. I have the best friends, and I thank God for them whenever I realize that.

14. Trusting God will bring you happiness and success. Thank you Mandy for that lesson. :)

15. I have a decision making complex.

16. The world is big, and there's a lot I don't know and haven't seen. I want to change that.

...I'm sure there's tons more but that's it for now. Enjoy that random mix. :)

It's been awhile...

The topic of the day is something that's been on my mind for awhile. Why do such terrible things happen to such good people? I'm sitting in my beautiful home, with my amazing family, just got back from the most relaxing vacation, and I'm still ungrateful. There are people suffering all over the world; with sickness, grief, anger. There are people unable to pay their bills, people waking up everyday worried about how they will put food on the table. And I'm sitting in my house worried about what I'm going to wear today and what I'm going to do tonight. I suppose ignorance is normal, I mean, if you don't know the other side of the picture, how are you supposed to empathize? Still, I wish I could understand and I wish there was something I could do. The famous quote is "Be the change you wish to see in the world." But we all live in our little bubbles our whole lives, thinking someone else will "be the change." I don't want to do that my entire life. I want to make an impact. I'd like to think that by teaching, I'm going to make a difference. But still, what's enough? People are still hurting all over the world while others sit back and watch. What can we do about it? Obviously, we can pray. We can get involved. We can show them Jesus' love in every way possible. Maybe, one day I'll understand exactly how to be the change and do all these things. I guess that's another huge part of growing up.

A Flower Quickly Fading

So I'm sitting at my computer, waiting for my professor to email be back, and I figured I should stop stalking people on facebook and do something...ergo this post. I'm sitting here, listening to Eminem (if you don't already know this about me, rap music is kind of my guilty pleasure during bad times...something about it just makes me feel better) and I'm contemplating life. The other day, I was sitting at the beach writing my name in the sand, and the waves came and washed it away. I know that's just something that happens, but it got me thinking; that's how our lives are. We appear for a brief moment in eternity and we're gone. Amazing, isn't it? We feel as though our minutes, hours, days, months last forever, but before we know it, they're gone. I just went to the SBS Class of 2010 graduation and first of all, I can't believe they're graduating, I feel like just yesterday we were all running around making fun of each other, but most of all, I feel like I was just on that stage graduating myself. I spent most of this year at school counting down days til the weekend, or til the next time I was coming home, or til the next break. But before I knew it, I was packing up my car and driving home, a sophomore in college. The fact that I made it through freshman year in one piece is amazing in itself, but that is beside the point.

Where in the world does time go?

To quote Kenny Chesney (I know, so philosophical), "man I don't know where the time goes, but it sure goes fast." That is so so true. I can't believe I'm already halfway through June of my summer, and I'm about to be in my second year of college. I'm definitely looking forward to the future, but I know these are the best days of my life and I'm probably not soaking them up as much as I should be. This leads me to the point of this post...

Are we making our lives count?

I know everyone looks forward to marriage, and children, and the future, but every moment of life is important. God specially designed us to live for Him ALWAYS, not in the future. Are we avoiding things today because we're putting them off, saying we will get to them in a few years? I know I'm definitely guilty of that. Like I said earlier, it seems like the days go by so slow, but before you know it, it is the future, and you're still not doing anything. Make your life count. Don't wait for "The One" or wait to have children to make an impression on the world. Do it now. You don't want to reach the end of your life and realize you never did anything you wanted. Make a list of things you want to do, even trivial things (like skydiving...I so want to go skydiving), and start checking things off. I have always lived by the motto "No Regrets" and I want that to remain true for the rest of my life. I'm hoping I can actually take my own advice on this one because I want to live my life to the fullest, I want to be the person God created me to be, I don't want to wait to start living my life. Society has trained us to waste time...facebook, myspace, texting, TV (don't get me wrong I do it too, did you read the opener of this post?) and I think we believe that eventually something will happen to make us snap back to reality, but that's not necessarily true.

Who knows, maybe it's the cold medicine talking, but still... :)

“The time for action is now. The day for becoming the person God has called you to be is today. This is your moment. This is your hour. You’re the hero of your epic adventure, and all the characters in your story are watching. God is ready to charge with you against the forces of the villain and he’s patiently waiting for your signal. But he won’t force you. You see, one of the great mysteries of heaven is how God allows us to make our own decisions about when and to what degree we allow Him to take the reins of our life. God has the armies of heaven assembled to back you up as your charge the hill of your greatest vision…but you have to be the one to give the war cry.” – John Bolin

♥

They called them crazy when they started out,
Said seventeen's too young to know what love's about.
They've been together fifty-eight years now...that’s crazy.

He brought home sixty-seven bucks a week,
He bought a little 2 bedroom house on Maple Street,
Where she blessed him with six more mouths to feed...yea that’s crazy.

Just ask him how he did it; he'll say

"Pull up a seat. It'll only take a minute, to tell you everything.
Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I love you,
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense,
Never let your prayin' knees get lazy, and love like crazy."

They called him crazy when he quit his job,

Said them home computers, boy they'll never take off.
He sold his one man shop to Microsoft, & they paid like crazy.

Just ask him how he made it, he'll tell you faith and sweat,
And the heart of a faithful woman,
Who never let him forget...

Be a best friend, tell the truth, and overuse I love you,
Go to work, do your best, don't outsmart your common sense,
Never let your prayin' knees get lazy, and love like crazy.

Always treat your woman like a lady,
Never get to old to call her baby,
Never let your prayin' knees get lazy,
And love like crazy.

They called him crazy when they started out,
They've been together fifty-eight years now,
Aint that crazy?

Love Like Crazy

Okay, so when I said I would update this regularly, I was clearly kidding. Oh well, I guess some things just won't change. There are a few things that I've been wanting to vent about for quite some time. I felt like tonight was the perfect night to address these incredibly important things, seeing as I have a final tomorrow that I still have to do 50 pages of reading for. But like my mom says, sometimes you've gotta live a little. All nighter, here I come...

So first of all, I've been getting the question "What do you look for in a guy?" so frequently lately, I figured I should sit down and think about it. And world history wasn't working out for me tonight, so I've been making a little list in my mind. The most important thing, of course, is that he's a solid person and a solid Christian, not the kind that just goes to church on Sunday and calls it a week, the kind that will encourage me, teach me, and lead me. He needs to have an adoring and solid relationship with Jesus Christ before he's ready to be with me. At least that's my opinion. Second, he needs to be a guy that will come to all my family events with me and enjoy it. My family is the most important thing in my life, besides the obvious, and it's so crucial to have somebody that can fit in. I'm talking Caleigh's dance recitals, Sunday Night Pizza, the millions of birthday parties, the holiday festivities, the list could go on and on. He needs to be someone my grandma can adore just as much as me, sorry if that's lame, but that's just how it goes. Third, I need to fit into his life. I want to feel like I belong and I don't want things hidden from me. I've dealt with that enough already. Fourth, I want somebody that will be okay sitting at home sometimes and just watching a movie. I'll even let it be some awful guy movie. The simple things are the most important things. I'm tired of counting, so I'll just continue...I want somebody that won't judge me when I eat an entire pint of Ben and Jerry's in less than 15 minutes. I want somebody that notices little things. I want someone that I'm attracted to, in more than one way. I want someone who will never get tired of me. Okay, sorry this list is long and I probably sound really annoying and girly and selfish, but people keep asking so I figured I'd give everyone an answer.

The second of all has strange relation to the first of all. People continually ask me, "Oh my gosh, like how are you still single?" Okay seriously, how am I supposed to answer that question? Not only is it kind of rude, but it's just so awkward. Even if the person is trying to be nice, it's just not the best idea. I'm single because that's how it's supposed to be right now. I'm single because I'm too picky. I'm single because God hasn't shown me the right person yet. I'm single because I don't know myself well enough to know somebody else. I'm single because I'm looking for 2 years, not 2 weeks. I'm single because I won't give it up. I'm single because I'm not the perfect 10. Is that what people really want to hear? That would probably make things even more awkward. But anyway, I'll just deal with the question until I meet someone. Then I'll deal with all the pesky questions that come with a relationship. Can't ever win. :)

That's the end of my random, annoying, scatterbrained rant. :)

Thanks Rach :)

There's a time to live and a time to die,
There's a time to laugh and a time to cry,
There's a time for war, and a time for peace,
There's a hand to hold in the worst of these,
In the worst of these.

He is with you when your faith is dead
And you can't even get out of bed
Or your husband doesn't kiss you anymore
He is with you when your baby's gone
And your house is still and your heart's a stone
Cryin' God, what'd you do that for?
He is with you.

There's a time for yes and a time for no,
There's a time to be angry and a time to let it go,
There's a time to run and a time to face it,
There is love to see you through all of this.

He is with you in the conference room when the world is coming down on you,
And your wife and kids don't know you anymore.
And he is with you in the ICU,
When the doctors don't know what to do,
And it scares you to the core.
He is with you.

We may weep for a time, but joy will come in the morning.
The morning light

He is with you when your kids are grown
When there's too much space and you feel alone
And you're worried if you got it right or wrong
Yes he is with you when you've given up on ever finding your true love,
Someone who feels like home.
He is with you.

When nothing else is left
And you take you final breath
He is with you.

-- "He Is With You" by Mandisa

True faith

"Trusting even when it appears you have been forsaken; praying when it seems your words are simply entering a vast expanse where no one hears and no voice answers; believing that God's love is complete and that He is aware of your circumstances, even when your world seems to grind on as if setting its own direction and not caring for live or moving one inch in response to your petitions; desiring only what God's hands have planned for you; waiting patiently while seemingly starving to death, with your fear only being that your faith might fail - "this is the victory that has overcome the world"; this is genuine faith indeed."

-George Macdonald

And the lists continue

Alright so maybe I've been a little obsessed with lists recently, but this is my blog right? So I can write whatever I want. :)

Next on my list of lists is a list of current "don't you just hate that's?" Everyone has them, and I know mine is especially long, seeing as I'm annoyed easier than anyone I know.

So here goes...

1. People who drive slow in the left lane/drive 5 under the speed limit. Okay I'm sure I've been guilty of it at some point too, but really...if it takes you twenty extra minutes to get somewhere you should start to think about speeding up.

2. Guys in big trucks that think they're so cool/they own the road. You aren't, and you don't. Get over it. Just because you could crush me with your car doesn't give you the right to ride my bumper.

3. People who wear my clothes and don't return them (ahem, Jenna).

4. The words lol, jank, and merk, if they even qualify as words.

5. People who are rude no matter how friendly or nice you try to be to them. Really, do you think it's easy to be nice to you? Show some respect please.

6. Season finales of TV shows. I know, it's petty.

7. People who are continually disappointing.

8. People who think cussing is cool in some odd way.

9. Smokers. Sorry, it gives me a headache.

10. Creepy old golfers. Please hit on someone your own age, thanks.

11. Goodbyes.

12. Ancient history.

I should probably go ahead and hop off my soapbox now. :)

You're an uncut diamond, you're the rarest star...

favorite song... of the week :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sY4lLf2984A

Cleanin' Out My Closet

As I stated in my previous post, one of my favored daily activities is cleaning. Today, I decided to tackle the three giant sterilite containers under my bed containing the remnants of my childhood and teen years. Needless to say, I encountered some memories: good and bad, and a whole lot of dust. I also had quite a few self realizations, including but not limited to...

a) I keep EVERYTHING, and by everything I really mean everything. Newspapers, magazines, receipts, pictures, notes, tapes, old phone boxes, AIM conversations from freshman year, movie stubs, plane tickets, artwork...the list could continue forever.

b) When going back through the massive amounts of crap that I have accumulated since the beginning of highschool, I still can't seem to throw anything away. I just take everything out, reread the old notes, look at the old pictures, and reorganize the clutter.

c) I used to think I was really cool. And believe me, I was not. My hair was several different kinds of awful, I didn't have a clue what I was talking about, and I definitely didn't have any idea what was to come in the next 5 years.

d) I used to be obsessed with passing notes. I must have 1,000 random little notes, probably passed when I should've been paying attention. One of the notes I found from Freshman year consisted of a nameless boy asking me if I still liked him, me telling him that I still liked him, but I also liked two other guys, and him telling me that he liked me but couldn't decide whether or not to let go of another girl. Oh, to be young and naive again.

e) I collect very strange things. I found an empty Dasani water bottle that I believe was from my plane ride from Atlanta to California. I remember not being able to throw that thing away, thinking that I would treasure it forever. I'll just go ahead and admit that I'm a pretty weird person.

f) I appreciate the fact that I am a junkie. When I was saving all those movie stubs, plane tickets, magazine covers, old reports, cards, pictures, and notes, I never imagined I would be looking back at them after my freshman year of college. I have the worst memory in the world, but I can look at all of those things individually and vividly remember the moments when those things became important to me.

g) I used to think I was a legitimate artist. I also used to think I was going to be a famous fashion designer living in Paris with a quality fashion line. Oh, how dreams change.

h) I used to collect depressing quotes and song lyrics, thinking I was so emo and so cool. But really, I was totally fooling myself. I mean come on, my favorite color is pink and I like country music and puppies. That is so not emo.

i) What was I thinking wearing those hideous clothes?

:)

Random thoughts...

1. The old One Tree Hill was just precious, what happened to those fresh-faced, ignorant little kids that I used to obsess over? (I'm in the process of watching Seasons 1-3 since I can no longer watch Law and Order).

2. Why do TV shows always have to make something dramatic happen? Whatever happened to happily ever after...

3. Who came up with the idea to throw around the words "merk" and "jank"? Because they should be punched in the face.

4. Things cost entirely too much money these days. On that note, people struggle, work hard, and yet blow their money on such things.

5. The Big Bang Theory is absolutely ridiculous and I despise having to write about it.

6. Life is better with a tan.

7. Guys are obsessed with analyzing girls, all the time.

8. Pictures are worth 1,000 words.

9. Some people are downright rude, but be nice to them anyway, because you could be making a difference.

10. My family is the best, and I can't imagine living without any of them.

11. Guys are even more obsessed with cars.

12. The phrase "Do your best, and that's all you can do," does NOT make one feel better when his or her best isn't up to par.

13. "Man's entire life is one big struggle to not be laughed at."

14. Life is tough, get a helmet.

♥

Summa Summa

I guess since I promised I would update this thing more regularly, I should probably inform all the people that aren't reading this how my summer is going so far.

First of all, it was wonderful at first to be home...not having to worry about studying/walking to get food/wearing shoes in the shower/wearing clothes in the room/turning off the lights and the music...but then I started to miss having a roommate and being with all my friends. Don't get me wrong, I was definitely in need of a vacation, but it's most definitely a bittersweet one.

Second of all, I've basically done NOTHING of importance since I've been home. I wake up (usually), lay out, shower (sometimes), get on facebook, clean, get back on facebook, download music, get back on facebook, get my car washed (occasionally, like when people accidently pee in my seat), work (woop!), check facebook some more, watch Law and Order: SVU (which I can no longer do because I have officially watched all the episodes we have recorded...which were numerous), hang out with my sisters who are way cooler than me and actually have things to do, then play apples to apples on the regular, oh and then check facebook again (let me just tell you, facebook is only but so entertaining after a week of nothing to do). It's a pretty exciting life, I know, try not to be jealous. Needless to say, I'm missing my friends and consistently being busy and having something to do. Although it was mostly stressful and always a balancing act between working and having fun, it was much better than sitting around and twiddling my thumbs all day. I guess everyone needs a little thumb twiddling in their life though, it provides sanity. I'll appreciate this time when I get busy again.

Thirdly, I would like to point out that I have officially gone MAD deciding to take three classes this summer. Why on earth would I think that I would have the motivation to do that much work when I don't even have that much motivation during the school year? I know it's going to pay off, so I will religiously study Ancient Mesopotamia and pretend that I believe in "The Big Bang," but believe me, I will hate every minute of it. Sorry to whomever has to listen to me complain for the next two months. :)

Finals...

I'm writing this because I'm running out of other procrastination options, after spending the majority of the past three days studying/at the library I'm already sick of it, and I have three finals left. I should start some hardcore praying now. Regardless, I'm taking a break (from a break). I can't believe I'm in the single digits counting down for summer. I am so excited I could be writing in all caps right now, but that's annoying so I won't do it. I'm going to be a sophomore in college in FOUR days, if I survive finals, that is. As I'm moving stuff out of my dorm, I'm realizing how fast life goes by and I vividly remember the day I moved all of this stuff in. Although I really can't wait to be home, it's sad moving out of my dorm and away from my friends for four months. I guess it's all part of life!

Okay, enough of the nostalgia for now...Math is calling my name!

Sophomore?!

Okay can we please take a moment to think about the idea that I'm going to be a sophomore in college next year?! I can't believe it. I never imagined myself past my first year of college, and now I'm about to start my second year. Where did time go? I'm about to move into a house (my very first :)) with my five best friends and take charge of my own life...scary! It's amazing to see what God can do with people. I never would've guessed that my life would be where it is right now; that I would have the friends I do, that I would be able to survive more than two weeks away from home, that I could handle rejection from Professors, that I could accept a C as a 'good' grade. Maybe some of these things are petty to you, but they are huge for me. I have my own life and I absolutely love my life! Let's hope this summer is as wonderful as this school year was, and that the next four years of school are as great as my freshman year.

LOVELOVE :)

"The One"

I know, typical, I'm going to talk about the ever-vague idea of "The One." But it's really been on my mind lately, not because I'm thinking about marriage or have picked out my wedding song or anything weird like that...

Anyway, I was thinking about the whole concept. I am a complete believer that God has a specific person picked out for everyone, either that or it is His plan that you don't marry. It may be frustrating/shocking/incomprehensible for us but WE are not God and we can't pick out The One for ourselves. (I capitalize it because I think it holds that amount of importance in our minds. Sidenote: I'm assuming that the majority of people reading this are girls). It's especially tough when we see those really drop dead gorgeous people and we REALLY want them to be the one, but nonetheless, God will provide the perfect person, and looks can be a bonus, right? :)

Still, what if The One is in my GHIST class right now? (If you are in my GHIST class and you're reading this, please do not think I'm planning our wedding). What if The One isn't at JMU? What if I don't meet The One for another 10 years? Will I be able to handle that? I guess it all boils down to the concept of wholeheartedly trusting God and His perfect plan for my life. I'm trying to wait patiently, but let's just remember that patience is not one of my strongest virtues. It's one of the hardest things to have no clue what the future holds...but I'm learning day by day that it's okay to not control every minute detail of my life. God is so much better at handling it, anyway.

So that's my little message of the day: stop sitting, wishing, and waiting, because your time will come. Just because you don't know the future doesn't mean it's not bright. Place it in God's hands and let it go, because if you do that, it's guaranteed to turn out perfectly.

Song of the WEEEEEK!

This is becoming a tradition :)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-wC9UWWJcY

and one extra this week...don't judge me for liking him, he's weird, but he's talented.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X1Fqn9du7xo

Blogging...

Okay I'm completely aware I never update this thing, but I was thinking about it in the shower (if you didn't already know this about me, that's when I do my best thinking) and I decided I'm going to try to regularly update this thing from now on! GET STOKED. (Whether or not this will actually happen is debatable, I wouldn't bet on myself.)

I really like the idea of blogging though. I mean really, how many other opportunities do you get to say everything you want to say with no interruption? Uh, probably none unless you're talking to Jesus or a stuffed animal...in which case you're weird. Anyways...I like to talk. I like to write. What better way to do both than through this nifty little internet creation. So if you're reading this, thanks for listening to my "ramblings," I apologize in advance if any of them sound scatterbrained or random, I promise to do the best I can to sound sane and educated.

xoxo :)

Songs of the Week!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h97JQNgzDY8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VFDl-KWu-XQ

And I feel the need to type the lyrics to "Perfect People" by Natalie Grant because they are so powerful and they touch me everytime I hear them :)

Never let Him see you when you're breaking
Never let Him see you when you fall
That's how we live and that's how we try
Tell the world you've got it all together
Never let them see what's underneath
Cover it up with a crooked smile
But it only lasts for a little while

[CHORUS:]
There's no such thing as perfect people
There's no such thing as a perfect life
So come as you are, broken and scared
Lift up your heart and be amazed
And be changed by a perfect God

Suddenly it's like a weight is lifted
When you hear the words that you are loved
He knows where you are and where you've been
And you never have to go there again

[CHORUS]

Who lived and died to give new life
To heal our imperfections
So look up and see out let grace be enough

[CHORUS]

By a perfect God [5x]

Be changed by a perfect God
Be changed

I love college.

Okay, it's a famous song by Asher Roth, but if you're reading this thinking I'm going to be all funny and witty, you should stop reading now. Just to set the record straight: college is nothing like Mr. Roth claims. Correction, sure, if you'd like to get kicked out within a semester for drinking all night and sleeping all day and never going to class, be my guest. Seems like such a waste to me. Anyway, back to the topic at hand...I've been thinking a lot lately about the past year and how much college has truly changed my life. Obviously I knew that when I left, things would change, but little did I know my whole world would be different. I'm a completely different person than I was in August, and I'm so grateful for that.

First of all, when people told me things about college, I would always brush them off and ignore their advice, not thinking I would have any of the same experiences. That was not the case at all. People were right when they said that classes were hard and I would have to focus on my studies even more than I did in highschool. People were also right when they said that you should always go to class, I went from a C to a B because I went to every single one of my awful GHIST 101 classes. People were beyond right in saying that Professors love students who go the extra mile to say hello or drop by office hours. When you are more than a face in the crowd or a number in the class, things will honestly go better for you in the class. Also, even if you think you're wrong, speak up in classes. Professors like discussion, and they beg for your own opinions. Most of them (unless they're awful) won't even bash you if you're completely wrong. Those are just a few pointers I thought I would share!

But there are a lot of things people didn't tell me about. I didn't realize how hard the adjustment would be. I didn't realize I would lose a few friends in the process of finding my friends. I didn't really trust the saying that you find your best friends in college. I was so blessed by God to have met some amazing girls within my first few weeks here. It made survival possible and the transition a little easier. It should've been harder for me to accept the loss of friendships, but I don't feel like I should have to change who I have become because people from my past can't appreciate it. I like who I am and I don't intend to go back to they way things were before. High School is beyond over for me.

My faith has grown so much this year as well. I don't know how people live in ignorance of the Creator. He never ceases to amaze me; He's always there in my darkest hour and when nobody else appears to understand what I'm going through. I'm extremely blessed to have been involved with incredible people this year through YoungLife and to have grown so much in my faith.

I've had to make some pretty tough decisions this year, too. I believe that comes with growing up. I struggled with the decision whether or not to lead YoungLife, and I'm still contemplating it. I had to leave behind relationships that were holding me back. I had to choose between living in the past or choosing a better future. I had to choose happiness, which also caused me great pain. Needless to say, Freshman year has been an incredible year for me and I'm so excited for the future. :)

P.S. Tiffany, Rachel, Whit... you guys are the best and I love you all so so much. You will never understand how much you have changed me and I am eternally grateful to have met you and I will thank God for the rest of my life for the time I get to spend with you all.

A little (or lot) about me.

I’m terrified of clowns and people dressed up in suits (i.e. Chuck-e-Cheese, the Duke Dog). I enjoy following rules. I like flat soda and I prefer to eat ice cream out of the carton with a huge spoon. I wear my emotions on my sleeve but never my heart. Chicken Caesar salad is my favorite food and I order it almost everywhere not only because it’s my favorite but also because I’m a creature of habit and I don’t like making decisions or trying new things, even new food. Sidenote: I ramble. I like routine. I have bad days and I don’t always know why. I deal with pain by crying, sleeping, talking, cleaning, but usually not getting angry. I relate my feelings to music. I overanalyze everything, and according to my brother, it makes me crazy. I’m old fashioned to my core and I’m a sucker for the sweet talkers. I can’t sleep with socks on because I get too hot. If there were such a thing as an addiction to water, I would probably have it. I bite my nails and pick at my fingers when I’m nervous. It’ll probably take a good month of hanging out with me to get me to stop blushing incessantly when I’m around you. It takes me awhile to open up, but once I do, be prepared because it won’t stop. Daisies are my favorite flowers; I would prefer them to roses any day. Vanilla is my favorite scent. I don’t like to be put in awkward situations because I don’t adapt well. I’m not outgoing and I never will be. Outback Macaroni and Cheese is my permanent craving. Pink will always be my favorite color. I love Jesus with my whole heart. I think I’m just beginning to grasp the immense love He has for me as well. I drive when I’m upset. My family means more to me than they will ever understand, and it took coming to college to realize that they have and forever will hold my heart and be my home. My sisters are my best friends, they are the ones I want to tell all the good and bad things to, and it’s been harder than anything to not be able to talk to them every night. My friends since coming to school have changed my life more than they could ever begin to understand; I can't wait to share the next four years with them. I like rap music even though I feel guilty every single time I sing (or rap) along to it. I like running (do not laugh). The beach is probably my favorite place in the world to be, it’s the only place that you can feel completely at peace and it proves that there is an awesome God who created the beautiful world with a purpose. Early morning devotions are the best because they allow me to begin everyday realizing how incredible God is and how unworthy I am for being the receiver of His never-ending love. I absolutely hate being mean to people and therefore I am a pushover. I can’t bear to cause people pain because I can’t bear when people put me through pain. I love pictures. Giant coffee mugs make me smile. I like crime shows even though they give me nightmares, and I refuse to watch scary movies. End of rant. :)

Song of the week :)

LOVE this song!

If that's the way you love
You've got to learn so much
If that's the way you say goodbye

And this is how it ends
And I'm alright within
Never going to see me cry
Cause I've cried

[Chorus:]
So go on, go on and break my heart
I'll be okay
There's nothing you can do to me
That's ever going to burn me
So go on, go on and leave my love
Out on the street
I'm fearless
Better believe I'm fearless, fearless


If this is how it hurts
It couldn't get much worse
If this is how it feels to fall

Then that's the way it is
We live with what we miss
We learn to build another wall
Till it falls

[Chorus:]
So go on, go on and break my heart
I'll be okay
There's nothing you can do to me
That's ever going to burn me
So go on, go on and leave my love
Out on the street
I'm fearless
Better believe I'm fearless, fearless


If it's between love and losing
To never have known the feeling
And I'm still sad we've loved

And if I end up lonely
At least I will be there knowing
I believe in love

Go on, go on break my heart
I'll be okay
I'm fearless
Better believe I'm fearless, fearless

Go on, go on and break my heart
I'll be okay
There's nothing you can do to me
That's ever going to burn me

So go on, go on and leave my love
Out on the street
I'm fearless
Better believe I'm fearless

So go on and leave my love
Go on and leave my love
Go on and leave my love
Better believe I'm fearless, fearless
Fearless...